I have not blogged since Christmas, I do not know why, well maybe I do. I am kind of feel I am in limbo. It has been 8 1/2 months since my husband passed, and I thought I was doing okay, but it is like the little things. You go to supper with friends and you feel like the single lone lurker. They do not make me feel that way, I just do.
I love to think about the the house we built together, raising the kids, the fights, the happy family time, the great vacations, we went on in the 10 years of his life, he was not a traveler but grew to love it. We traveled the local roads, not the interstate. The last big trip we went from Illinois to Colorado, visiting with family in condo in the mountains, and then drove to Mobile Alabama, on all local roads, to his navy reunion, and the closed the circle to home to Illinois. These memories do not bother me, I love them and enjoy them.
What my problem is the trips we DID NOT GET TO TAKE, the regret of his not getting to do it, the awful feeling that those trips are never to be again. I feel so bad he will not see our grandkids grow up, and so wanted to be a ornery old man, that argued with everybody,and get away with it.(he was practicing that one all the time, lol.)He will not get to enjoy the fruits of his labor, many things running through mind.
I do keep busy with friends, shopping, cleaning out stuff, talking to my kids that do not live in our town, I am planning the spring garden, but sometimes when I am with these people, friends, family, aquaintances, I feel inside absolutely alone. I am fearful of being one of these whiny widows that feel sorry for their selves, so I try not to say these things to friends and family. I decided maybe if I write about it and vent on this blog it may help. Hopefully I will not be long when I blog again, Thanks for listening.
1 comment:
It's good to have to back, Jan! I am not, and never have been, married, so I don't know what it must be like to loose your husband. I can only imagine how difficult it must be.
It has only been 8 and a half months since he passed, and I think it is completely understandable that you would be feeling all of these things.
I find writing my blog (when I remember to do it) quite therapeutic. Any time you're feeling down have a good rant on your blog. That's what it's all about :)
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